Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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