She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
