Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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