these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
