I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
