why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
