If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize