I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
