Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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