When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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