I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone