There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night