She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
