just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.