OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year