Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs