Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it http://tfl.nu/c88z
  Replies (26) Good night (3456) Bad night (851)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me http://tfl.nu/3lvx
  Replies (25) Good night (966) Bad night (3444)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days http://tfl.nu/g4qr
  Replies (20) Good night (3839) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again. http://tfl.nu/vfit
  Replies (5) Good night (4382) Bad night (1300)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical. http://tfl.nu/e9fk
  Replies (12) Good night (4445) Bad night (813)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up http://tfl.nu/zwwo
  Replies (14) Good night (1102) Bad night (5747)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid" http://tfl.nu/i4ng
  Replies (12) Good night (5356) Bad night (988)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT. http://tfl.nu/8xfg
  Replies (8) Good night (2153) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60 http://tfl.nu/6i7r
  Replies (10) Good night (1371) Bad night (1018)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate. http://tfl.nu/xmo4
  Replies (5) Good night (1639) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.

  (858): View more from California

  That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof. (858): That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car. http://tfl.nu/twx7
  Replies (6) Good night (731) Bad night (727)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address... http://tfl.nu/a3xh
  Replies (7) Good night (1760) Bad night (450)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit http://tfl.nu/p0py
  Replies (5) Good night (597) Bad night (932)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over. http://tfl.nu/jd2f
  Replies (1) Good night (321) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask? http://tfl.nu/w6jy
  Replies (4) Good night (343) Bad night (213)

Randomize