Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
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Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
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I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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