Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....