So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
