why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
