they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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