Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It was like getting head from an anaconda
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
