It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...