Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.