You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major