Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(770): View more from Georgia

I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?

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(770): I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward? http://tfl.nu/lg8a

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(480): View more from Arizona

Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight

(1-480): View more from Arizona

Why?

(480): View more from Arizona

'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward

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(480): Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight (1-480): Why? (480): 'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward http://tfl.nu/ohlj

Replies (8) Good night (1105) Bad night (4627)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.

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(303): I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better. http://tfl.nu/9eyu

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(661): View more from California

I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.

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(661): I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is. http://tfl.nu/de6o

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.

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(717): James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks. http://tfl.nu/8rn4

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(281): View more from Texas

I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.

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(281): I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard. http://tfl.nu/jw0e

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(425): View more from Washington

well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..

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(425): well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now.. http://tfl.nu/77ss

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(703): View more from Virginia

You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.

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(703): You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter. http://tfl.nu/b2tf

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(817): View more from Texas

there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...

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(817): there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution... http://tfl.nu/4s12

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(816): View more from Missouri

Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.

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(816): Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year. http://tfl.nu/x2rq

Replies (8) Good night (448) Bad night (1244)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?

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(304): I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this? http://tfl.nu/dpdb

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(586): View more from Michigan

We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.

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(586): We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate. http://tfl.nu/plc2

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(312): View more from Illinois

We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"

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(312): We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?" http://tfl.nu/n4cr

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(303): View more from Colorado

My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."

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(303): My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..." http://tfl.nu/535j

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(503): View more from Oregon

Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"

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(503): Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck" http://tfl.nu/2coz

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