If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
