I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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