swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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