if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
