i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
