your thong is hanging out like whoa
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
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watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
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Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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