you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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