found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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