Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
