i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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