i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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