You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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