drinking out of a sandbucket again
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
