I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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