How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The power of my boobs compel you
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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