This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
