K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize