xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
