I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
