im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I am one with the molecules
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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