Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
