Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
