I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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