Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
