her vagina looked like bernie madoff
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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