roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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