my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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