Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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