i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
