everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
