good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
