Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
