Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
