You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
