If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
