just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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