Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
