Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You are the jesus of drinking
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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