She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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