Tell her she can't have a vagina
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
