I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
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Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I need to sanitize my soul.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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