Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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