You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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