hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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