youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have feelings that need drinking.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
