Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
