I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
