God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
