apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
