THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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